


Only Yours

by cottonpadenthusiast



Series: The Oneshots [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Confessions, F/M, Friendship, Insecurity, Love Confessions, M/M, Marauders, Marauders' Era, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, Unrequited Crush, ends with fluff, remus having a bit of a meltdown
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-08-22 19:57:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16604498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cottonpadenthusiast/pseuds/cottonpadenthusiast





	Only Yours

Remus’ smile dropped at the sight of Anna Dermot walking into the Great Hall with some sixth year by her side, their hands interlocked. He should have seen this coming. It’s what always happened. He developed a crush, they hinted at the same feelings, then they went off with someone else and Remus was left with the same feeling of emptiness. 

His crush on Anna hadn’t been that serious, but he still had allowed himself to hope, which was a fatal mistake on his part. Remus glanced back at his dinner, suddenly feeling a loss of appetite.

“You ok, Rem? You look as if someone had just burned down the library,” Sirius asked from beside him, nudging his broad shoulder against Remus’ own.

“I’m fine,” Remus responded, not meeting the grey eyes. The truth was, he was. He would get over it quickly and forget her, then go back to the real problem. The problem with long, black hair that twirled softly in the wind. The problem with a wide grin that made Remus’ heart do leaps in his chest. The problem that was sitting right beside him and was named Sirius Black.

Those crushes were nothing compared to the all-consuming feeling of being in love with Sirius, of watching the boy he loved saunter into the haul with a new boyfriend every month. Remus sometimes wondered if his heart had stopped beating when that happened. The crushes merely provided a distraction, something else for Remus to think about, rather than pine over a lost cause. But his heart always found its way back to Sirius. And it always would.

“You don’t seem fine, mate,” James said from across the table. “What’s wrong?”

Remus cursed his friend’s caring nature. “I’m just worried about my History of Magic essay. It’s due tomorrow and I still have a lot to cover,” Remus lied. He had finished that essay the night he had received it.

“No wonder you look sad, Moons. A History of Magic essay would make anyone depressed.” Peter offered Remus a pitying look.

Remus glanced to his side to see Sirius staring at him, his silvery eyes shifting like a stormy sky and filled with concern. Remus’ heart lurched to his throat. He couldn’t do this. Not here, not now.

“Actually, I should probably just go finish it now. So, yeah, bye lads.” Remus swiftly got up and left the hall, his breath ragged. He couldn’t find the air to breathe, even in the empty corridor, as he ran and ran, far away from that filled hall and those grey eyes. 

Remus found himself in the back of the quiet library, the usual murmurings of students and teachers now absent. His heart felt like it was being ripped from his body, painful sobs raking through his body. There wasn’t a definitive reason for this heartache, for this torture, but Remus had learnt from the many years of loving Sirius Black that sometimes it all got too much. Sometimes your heart just breaks from the slightest glance and you have no control. Sometimes you feel like you could do anything in their presence and sometimes you wonder how you will survive the pain. Love was like the sea; constant, yet ever-changing, gentle, yet dangerously unpredictable.

Remus let his head fall against the bookcase, his legs sprawled out on the floor in front of him. He breathed deeply, the sobs now dying down and his cheeks still wet. The only light came from the moon, illuminating the room in a pale glow, and the comforting scent of worn books filled the air.

“Moony, you there?” Sirius’ voice cut through the eerie silence and struck Remus’ heart.

Remus sighed. He didn’t have any fight left in him to tell Sirius to go away. “Yeah,” he said softly, partly hoping Sirius wouldn’t hear. 

When Sirius saw Remus’ exhausted form, he gasped before dropping to the ground in front of the werewolf. “Merlin, Remus. Are you ok? What’s wrong? Fuck. What happened?”

“Nothing.” Remus didn’t even care that Sirius could see the tears. He was tired. So tired. 

Sirius grasped Remus’ small hand. “Obviously something is wrong, Moony. Please tell me.”

When Remus didn’t respond, Sirius sighed. “Was that Anna girl? Did you like her? I know she was pretty, but she seemed a bit obnoxious to me.” The tone in Sirius’ voice had Remus glancing up. There was something more than sympathy in his tone, but Remus didn’t know what.

“No… it wasn’t about that. I was a little upset, I suppose, but I’ll get over it.” Remus straightened himself up, pulling his hand from Sirius’ grasp and ceasing the butterflies in his stomach that had accompanied it. He ran a hand through his tawny curls, acutely aware of Sirius’ heavy gaze studying his face.

“You’ve been so distant lately,” Sirius whispered, and obvious hurt in his voice made Remus’ heart squeeze painfully.

“I know. I’m sorry, Pads.”

“Every time I walk into a room, you find any excuse to leave. You barely even speak to me anymore. If we look at each other, you immediately turn the other way. I don’t know what to do. Have I done something? Please tell me, Rem. I want to fix this.”

Remus could taste the guilt, heavy and pounding in his body. He had never meant to hurt Sirius, had never wanted to fall in love with his best friend. But what choice did he have? He couldn’t risk Sirius finding out his feelings and hating him. The pain of that would be so much worse than just unrequited love.

Remus met Sirius’ eyes. “You haven’t done anything. This is  _my_  fault. Don’t blame yourself for my mistakes. It’s just…”

“It’s just what, Remus?” Sirius demanded, his gaze thunderous. “I would appreciate if you would just bloody tell me why you’re ignoring me. It’s meant to be you and me against the world.” Sirius’ voice cracked at this, and the anger seeped from his voice. “I can’t deal with everything on my own, as much as I want to. I need you, Moony. More than you imagine” Sirius’ eyes were glassy and pleading, and with this, all the resolve Remus had left, disappeared. Sirius broke through all his walls, even the one which Remus had held up for so long.

“I’m in love with you,” Remus croaked, closing his eyes and pretending this wasn’t real. That whatever was happening was just a nightmare.

Sirius said nothing, his silence telling Remus everything he needed to know.

“I’m so sorry, Sirius. I never meant for this to happen. It doesn’t change anything.  _Please_ , say something.” Remus shot a glance at the boy in front of him and the vacant expression on the pale face caused Remus’ heart to pull painfully in his chest.

“I haven’t looked at you the same for months now.” Sirius’ statement cut through the agonising silence.

“What? What are you talking about?”

The dark haired boy finally met Remus’ gaze, and Remus could see the emotion swirling in the grey eyes. “I-I haven’t seen you as a friend. For a while now.”

Remus felt like he had been punched in the gut. He hadn’t been prepared for this. He could deal with Sirius refusing his love, but he couldn’t survive Sirius refusing his friendship.

“Oh,” Remus whispered, swallowing the hurt.

“Wait- I didn’t mean like that, Rem. Merlin, I obviously saw you as a friend, but what I meant was… What I mean is that I-” Sirius stuttered, while Remus stared at him in confusion.

“I don’t understand.”

Sirius sighed, closing his eyes. “What I meant was… this.” Remus watched as Sirius locked his eyes on him, trapping the tawny boy under his gaze. For once, those stormy eyes were still, completely fixed on their target, Remus. Sirius was moving closer and closer, and the air around them had suddenly become alive.

First, their hands met, with Sirius interlocking his elegant fingers around Remus’. Then, their noses met, their breath mingling together. Next, their eyes, their foreheads, and finally, their lips. Finally, those lips which Remus had daydreamed about were on his, and  _this_ was better than anything he could imagine.

Remus ran a hand through the dark hair, amazed at how it slipped through his fingers, as Sirius’ tongue searched his mouth. Strong arms pulled Remus against Sirius’ chest, as a sudden desperation took over the both of them. 

Sirius’ hands were everywhere; on Remus’ chest, on his back, in his hair, and each time Remus leaned into the touch, his body moving on its own accord. Remus dragged his lips down Sirius’ neck, kissing hungrily, until Sirius pulled back, causing Remus to growl at the loss of contact.

Sirius grinned, chest heaving. “No need to get angry, Moony. I’m all yours.” Sirius’ expression turned earnest. “And that’s what I want to make sure. That you know that. I’m all yours, Remus,” he whispered, placing a soft kiss to the scarred nose. “I love you.”

Remus’ chest bloomed with happiness, a feeling that had been absent for a long time. “I love you too,” he murmured, trying and failing to hide the growing grin. Sirius’ smile only made Remus’ grow and the werewolf wondered love like this existed, how something so pure could exist in a world so wrought with pain. But as Sirius leaned in again, Remus stopped wondering and started believing, and said the words he had held in for so long.

“I’m all yours, Sirius. Only yours.”


End file.
